Hiccups and Hold-Ups (This is Robin)

Hi All!  I was reading Cristi's posts and I'm constantly inspired by her.  I honestly feel like one of the reasons why I felt so strongly to do this for their family is because Heavenly Father needed to place her in my life to learn from her.  I'M the lucky one!  She gets the baby--I get her.

So, it's time to break the radio silence.  My last post was about how the June transfer was going to happen.  JUST KIDDING!!  So, I went in for my appointment two weeks ago, and received my medication calender which looked a lot like Cristi's and I was honestly so overwhelmed I wanted to cry.  We're talking BIRTH CONTROL, BABY ASPIRIN, LUPRON INJECTIONS, Z-PACK, PROGESTERONE/OIL SHOTS, PRE-NATAL VITAMINS, and when I start when I stop medications, and it was INTENSE.  I started the birth control that Friday, and then that following Monday found out that because of some testing this was all being put on hold for 6 additional weeks.  (And these tests are a good thing).

Now, I've been doing myself a disservice.  I said this blog was to also document my journey and a place for me to be honest.  Well, I haven't written anything because I'm ANGRY.  First of all--let me just say that I know it's the birth control.  I HATE birth control, and it has always made me angry, and right now I'm stuffing my face with some AWESOME CHOCOLATE CAKE (courtesy of my father-in-law's birthday) and that does help me feel less angry.  On Friday, I have to STOP the birth control, wait for a mini cycle because now my cycle is off two weeks, then I'll have a normal cycle and they'll start me AGAIN on birth control.  Lucky me.  My lucky husband.

I'm irritable and I just can't help it.  I WISH WITH ALL MY HEART I was more like Cristi whom I feel is the epitome of graciousness, love, and a roll with the punches kinda gal.  If this is what I'm like just on birth control then heaven help us all when I start taking all the serious hormonal stuff.  <<Just took another bite of that chocolate cake--SO GOOD!!>>

Plus this 6 weeks added to this whole thing means that I'll have an April baby--6 weeks from that puts me in the beginning of June 2015 before I can start exercising seriously again, and let's all be honest: I'll be post-partum 6 weeks at the beginning of summer and summer clothes ARE NOT forgiving and I'm already carrying leftover baby weight from my last kiddo.  I'm vain and selfish, but I'm human and I'm not going to pretend like I don't care about how my body is going to look after all this.  I'm not getting any younger.  (And yes, I see the irony in the fact that I'm eating some ROCKIN' CHOCOLATE CAKE!)

Anyway, this is part of my journey---the ups, the downs, the irritability, and then once the medication is done (I have to take progesterone through the first trimester) I'll become more even keeled and back to my normal even tempered (for the most part ;-) self.

I sincerely hope that those of you reading this don't think that I regret this decision for one moment, because I DON'T.  I'm learning so much, but it's not going to be all glitter and rainbows.  The end result is what will keep me going.  And yes, I did agree to do this, and I'm so happy I did (I know this post doesn't reflect that), but this is REAL life. This is all new to me.   Hope that makes sense, ya'll!  Now, I'm going to go finish my CAKE!

--Lot's of love xoxo!!