9 Weeks and Counting (This is Robin)

I figured it was time to update this little blogaroo.

Cristi posts a lot of updates on Instagram and her username is "hiyapapayamommy."  She's posted ultrasound photos, and little personal updates if you're wondering about her.  If you want to follow me as well my username on Instagram is "robinwhite915."  I'm not too active on Instagram, but I will post things occasionally.

So, for me, the first trimester for this pregnancy has reminded me constantly why my  husband and I completed our family with 3 children.  It's true--you FORGET.  I have had a lot of minor menstrual type cramping and spotting which always stresses me out.  I went into the fertility center for an ultrasound and they were able to see a subchorionic bleed in my uterus.  I've had them before, but anytime there is spotting, it's still alarming.  What NEVER gets old is watching a little life grow!  It's amazing that at this stage the little man already looks like a little gummy bear!  He's going to be a handsome fellow!

I RARELY feel nauseous, but I've had more of it with this pregnancy, and some serious food aversion.  And of course some serious fatigue.  My waist is already gone (let's be real--what waist I did have), and I can't button my pants I'm so bloated.  I have three small children who are in constant motion, I work from home, and I'm not sleeping well.  (We're in a new house and it always takes me a while to start sleeping well in a new place).  Believe it or not, I'm grateful for these small symptoms because its a reminder that my body is adapting to taking care of this little man.

I go in Wednesday for my last Fertility Center appointment and they will let me know how to start weening myself off the medication.  I. CAN'T. WAIT. The progesterone shots are painful because they cause the muscles to bead up, and it feels like I'm laying on rocks. It will be a GREAT day when the meds stop.

I've already started talking to a doula to start preparing for a natural childbirth.  I'm still planning on a hospital delivery--just with the assistance of a doula. My last labor and deliver experience was miserable, and that was with an epidural, so I figure, I'm going natural with this one!

I have felt a shift in my emotional state over the last few weeks.  I was REALLY concerned with how attached I would be to this little boy, and of course I'm going to love him, but I'm actually looking forward to leaving the hospital without a newborn.  The excitement that I feel is FOR Cristi and her husband, and we joke about that I get to go home and sleep and they get the sleepless nights.  I'm SO grateful those days are behind me, and I'm SO grateful those days are ahead for Cristi.

I know some of you might be feeling sorry for me and thinking "ONLY 9 weeks along...poor girl," but EVERY week is a milestone!  This baby is such a miracle, and I feel blessed to be a part of this experience.

Now, I know people from all walks of life and from all religious backgrounds read this blog, so I hope you'll bear with me. Please know I'm just sharing what MY spiritual journey has been so far through MY understanding of God and His plan for us.

So, I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints...aka Mormon. I never anticipated what a spiritual journey this would be for me.  I told Cristi the other day (at least I think I did--if I didn't, I blame it on pregnancy brain) that I originally thought that going through this would help redeem me from my own mediocrity.  The more I thought about it,the more I came to understand that I've already been redeemed from my self-perceived mediocrity.  The Savior has already taken care of that for me through His Atonement.  There is nothing I can do in this life, great or small, that will compare to what has already been done for me through the actions of the Savior.  I feel like this process is a gift from God because it allows me a little more insight into the Atonement (the suffering, death, and resurrection of Jesus).  When I brought my own children into the world, I had a small idea of what the Savior did for me. To suffer for me, to bleed for me, and to die for me so that I would have a way to make it back to my Father in Heaven.  This time around, I feel like I get an even greater sense of that because not only am I going to suffer to get this little boy here, but I voluntarily put myself in this position to do it for another family.  In no way am I comparing myself to Jesus.  Please understand that.  What I'm trying to say is that I feel like this experience is providing me with an opportunity and insight to see through even more focused spiritual eyes how completely the Savior suffered for ME.  All because He loved me.

I sincerely hope that what I'm TRYING to say is coming across.  I feel like this journey is providing me with a way to grow closer to the Savior and also providing me with a greater understanding of WHY He did what He did for me.  It was because of love.

xoxo