So my last post was about how I was feeling anxious--well, it has ESCALATED to full on crazy girl ANXIETY!
I had never felt so alone last night.
My husband called it: he told me when we went to bed to have fun tossing and turning all night. We went to bed at 10ish, and by 11pm, I was sick of tossing and turning, left the room, and watched some trashy reality TV (and ate some Half Baked Ben & Jerry's) until 1:30am. I have moved on from cake to ice cream! I am my mother's daughter!
Some of you may be wondering why the anxiety? Honestly--look at it from my perspective--it's not just about being pregnant. I have spent MONTHS preparing mentally, emotionally, and physically (not that anyone can really tell). I have poured so much energy into this, and invested so much of myself into people whom don't know me very well, and whom I don't know very well, and it's FINALLY here. Pregnancy can be risky to begin with, but when I had to take out a life insurance policy to do this, it makes you think a little bit more about those risks.
I think what I'm feeling is normal--at least I hope. I can honestly say, that despite all the anxiety, I know what I'm doing is the right thing, and I draw peace from that.
PLEASE pray, or do whatever you do and send good vibes into the universe that this is successful. The transfer is at 2:30pm MST, so it's so close! Hopefully, in 10 days we'll get a nice POSITIVE result!
xoxo
I found this story through Instagram and just had to say hello!! I'm currently a gestational carrier for my cousin and his wife and we are due in 5 days!!! It has been a journey filled with emotion and I remember the nights like you speak of in this post. But you are a rock star for doing this for this family..
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