Rocked the Run (This is Robin)

The blogging bug has bit again!

So, part of this process for me has been "trying" to become more physically ready to go through another pregnancy.  I never lost the baby weight from my last baby, and that's been tough on me.  I've never been this big before.  It's a huge blow to the self-esteem.  I don't fit in that Utah "stay at home mommy" mold to begin with, and even more so now.  I know I shouldn't care about "fitting in" anymore, but living in Utah for the last 8 years has been a challenge, and at times very lonely so I yeah, sometimes I just want to fit in.  I know being a woman is hard anywhere, but man, do I feel it here!  That said, I'm also in a stressful situation that makes being as healthy as I want to be more difficult.  I'm not trying to deflect or avoid taking responsibility for my own actions, but that's just the way my life is.  I cook maybe half the time (my mother-in-law cooks the other half), and I'm in a mayonnaise and butter lovin' household.  My other issues are:

I want to eat when I'm sad.

I want to eat when I'm stressed.

I want to eat when I'm happy.

And ya'll know I eat cake when I'm angry.

I LOVE to eat and cook healthy meals, but I'm also in a home where meat and potatoes are the norm, and there's no such thing as branching out.  It's hard to eat healthy when I'm surrounded by unhealthy foods.  I haven't touched a scale in months because I just don't want to know, so at this point it's all about maintaining.

Exercise is the key for me.  It's not just about losing weight, but it's about the mental benefits for me as well.  I went for a REALLY good run tonight, and it felt AMAZING.  Not just physically, but it clears my mind, and I feel like it helps me cope with the raging hormones.  My life makes it challenging to get out as much as I want: I'm up at 5:30am most mornings to work (I work from home), I have my three children that keep me on the go, and in the evenings I'm SO tired, that exercise is the last thing I want to do.  But, not tonight!!  I got my butt out the door and rocked my run, and I feel good!

A friend told me that the silver lining in all the weight issues, is that I'm not going to lose weight, just to gain weight, and have to lose it all again.  I'll just have to be SO careful about what I gain during this pregnancy.  Anyway, this health stuff is all part of my preparations to go through this.  I already look like I'm 20 weeks along because I have that mom tummy, and at this point, liposuction is my only answer after this next pregnancy.  I guess at this point, it's just taking one day at a time, and doing the best I can!

Update (This is Robin)

So, here's the update on where I'm at in this process.  (It's been pretty boring for me the last month--hence the no blog posts).  I had an appointment with the fertility center on Thursday, and I received my new medication calender. It's INTENSE AND INTIMIDATING!  June has been full of MORE birth control and prenatal vitamins.  Still boring.  Except I'm angry again.  I'll blog more about that in a minute.

July looks like this:

All the fun will begin for me in two short weeks!!!  I won't have to take Lupron because they don't need to put me in a "holding pattern" because we're not doing a fresh transfer.  All my shots will go in my hips, and supposedly the Estradiol shots are painful if you don't massage and heat the area.  Lovely.  And I'll have to have the progesterone and oil shots through the first trimester for the most part.  So, the transfer is set for JULY 28, which means if it all goes well, and I get pregnant, Baby will be here in April.  PLEASE cross your fingers, pray, and send us good vibes because I REALLY want this to work the first time around.

This process has been VERY educational for me.  I have learned so much about the medications and why I have to take them, and I just can't help but see God's hand in all this.  How AMAZING is it that science can imitate what my body would've done on it's own if it had been a natural occurring pregnancy?  It's INCREDIBLE!

I've been on the birth control for a week, and feel a difference pretty much right away with my mood.  I really do feel bad for my husband and children because they receive the brunt of it.  We're also in a fairly stressful situation.  We're currently living with my in-laws while we build a home and that's stressful in and of itself.  Our house should be finished in late August-early September.  I'm praying for August!  Here is said house:

It's so exciting, and I'm so grateful to be in the situation we're in because we can do this, but I'm ready to be OUT.  I think the birth control just magnifies the stress I already feel in my life.  I have a child who is the epitome of the TERRIBLE THREE'S and dealing with her is enough to make me want to scream.  I have a dog who has a serious incontinence issue and we FINALLY got her on medication, but I sure as heck am not taking her to a new house until I know the problem is solved.  It's GROSS!  And then part of the stress is that moving will happen within weeks of doing the transfer and trying to move and unpack a house while being pregnant with someone else's baby is a bit nerve-wracking.  Anyway, that's were I'm at these days!

Cristi's update

I just went in for my daily ultrasound and blood draw. (And also included a picture of my morning stim injections.) Today they counted 9 follicles in my right ovary and 11 in my left! The largest is measuring 16 mm.  They like you to be at 18 mm before giving the trigger shot. So I will go one more day. That will make for a Wednesday retrieval, it's looking like. Thank you for all of your love and support and prayers throughout this journey! I'm REALLY happy with the numbers thus far!

Also, just to quickly note for my own journaling purposes - I'm feeling REALLY full and distended in my abdomen already. I don't remember having symptoms of OHSS until AFTER the egg retrieval the last two times. So I'm a little bit concerned. Anne-Marie (our amazing nurse practitioner) asked me this morning if I'm already feeling uncomfortable. She told me that whey protein powder and gatorade or other electrolyte drinks will help. So you'd better believe tomorrow I'm going to go out and get both! I thought we had some whey protein powder in our pantry, but it's not there anymore. And I don't know if I'll actually drink gatorade (since I haven't had sugar in over 2 years) or make my own natural version of it with fruit juice and sodium. I'll have to google how to make it myself without sugar. :) If anyone has a natural "recipe" I'm all ears! :)

IVF Update

Cristi yet again (I told you it's a crazy week!)

I had my first follicle-measuring ultrasound this morning and another blood draw. She counted 8 follicles in my right ovary and 10 in my left. And the largest is currently measuring 12 mm.  I am really happy with these numbers! Considering I'm over 35 and my mom and my sister both went through menopause in their 30's, I was more concerned this time around. But so far, things are looking really great! So good, in fact, that she said I can skip my ultrasound and blood draw tomorrow and just come in on Sunday. I'll probably do my trigger shot on Sunday and have the retrieval on Tuesday. That's what it's looking like right now. So exciting! The egg retrieval process has never been the challenging part for us (other than me having complications with hyper stimulation). We've always been blessed with good numbers. It's just the carrying of the actual baby that my body can't do. We are so grateful to Robin and her beautiful carrier heart!!

The Joys of Infertility (Cristi)

Am I pregnant? Nope! This, my friends is the beautiful blotation that comes every time we do an egg retrieval. I actually have to be careful because the last two times we did this I hyperstimmed with OHSS. So for me to be this swollen in my abdomen already - with still a few days left before the retrieval - is a little nerve wracking for me. When I hyperstimmed, I looked like I was 7 months pregnant! It's really really painful to get OHSS and it lasts a couple of weeks, so I'm praying this doesn't mean it will happen again. It's the craziest thing! I guess I should expect at least this small amount of swelling when my ovaries are currently the size of grapefruits. ;) Why am I sharing this? Because if anyone is about to go through this process, I want to help them not feel alarmed when they wake up one morning while on IVF meds and realize that none of their pants fit and they look like they're expecting. Because really, you ARE expecting. You're expecting a bunch of little follies that will hopefully turn into embryos! It's worth it! 

Ultrasounds and blood draws every morning

This is my solution for morning hair that I don't have a chance to fix when I have early blood draws and ultrasounds every day for the next five days. It's also covering up my gray roots that I haven't had time to get touched up. (They're bad. I'm old!) And last but not least, I KIND of look like a man in this picture. It might be because I'm wearing Jeff's sunglasses because I couldn't find mine. Or it might just be because I look like a man. ;)

WIDN (What I'm Doing Now)

Hey guys, this is Cristi. This morning, I was tagged by a friend on Instagram to share #WIDN. When she tagged me, I was sitting in the waiting room at the fertility center. I had an appointment today right in the middle of shooting 6 parade homes. I don't think I've ever been so tired in my LIFE! Photographing 27 homes in less than a week was KIND of a crazy thing to take on (and I hit the two biggest ones today - one at 14,000 square feet and one at almost 17,000 square feet. That's a LOT of house to shoot!) - especially in the middle of preparing for this egg retrieval! But at the same time I absolutely love it and I love taking pictures of beautiful homes and being an official part of the UV Parade. (I forgot to take off my badge when I had my appointment this afternoon - thus the photo.) I just got home for the night. Time to edit like a crazy woman!

I'm starting to feel the fullness and pressure in my abdomen from all of the follicles growing. Tomorrow is my last day for exercise. I have four homes left to photograph. And to be honest, walking through huge homes and photographing them at all angles is actually a lot of exercise! (I always joke that many of the ways I stand to get certain shots is just like doing yoga!) But only four left! YAY!!

Getting Closer

Cristi again (it's a big week for me!)

There's just about one week left of giving myself these daily shots in the stomach. Retrieval is coming up so quickly!!

No Place Like Home (Cristi here)

The past few days have been so exhausting that I get home from photographing all day and have just enough time and energy to eat, read scriptures and pray with the family before I crash and sleep for the night. I have a renewed respect and love for you full-time working and single moms (and dads too). I know it affects me a lot because of  my autoimmune diseases. I get fatigued quicker and harder than a healthy person. And we're also just starting out on the heavy IVF stim meds. But still. Everyone gets tired and I respect y'all so much! 

As soon as we were done with prayer tonight, Leo climbed onto his dad and said, "Hey daddy! Let's do a BIGGY BANK ride!" There's no place like home!

Pulling Out the Big Guns!

This is Cristi again! This morning I added my stim med injections to the Lupron injections I've already been on. It's time to pull out the big guns! 

In addition to the Lupron, I'm now on 3 powders of Bravelle and 1 powder of Menopur every morning. This is the third time we've done an egg retrieval and the first time I've used Bravelle. The other two times I used Follistim and had excellent results. They chose Bravelle for me this time because it's a little less expensive and they said it's fairly comparative to Follistim. So we'll see. Three powders of it seems like a lot - but whatever works! I also forgot how much the Menopur stings while going in. Yowza! But it's all so worth it!

This is happening!

Hey guys! This is Cristi.  I've been crazy busy this past week because I was once again hired to be the official photographer for the Utah Valley Parade of Homes! It's SO fun! But it's also a lot of work in a small amount of time. I have one week to photograph 27 homes!! (What was I thinking signing on for this? Ha ha!) So I've basically been gone from sun up til sun down so I can be out shooting.

(Speaking of - this master bath KNOCKED my socks off! The tub IN the shower? Genius! This is just a sneak peek shot from my phone. I've taken thousands of photos with my Canon! This is home #20 in Highland by Millhaven Homes.) 

In the midst of this crazy busy week of parade photographs, it's also a big week at the fertility center. I had my baseline ultrasound this morning (which is basically just an ultrasound on cycle day 3 or 4 which makes sure everything is "quiet" in your uterus and ovaries before all the craziness starts happening in there!). I'll start the stim med injections tomorrow morning. This is happening!

Everything Has Beauty

This may be a little weird. I actually even wondered if it was a little too weird to post. (Disclaimer - this is my stomach, so nothing risqué here folks! ;) But it's something I feel passionately about. This is a picture of my current IVF injection bruises mixed in with stretch marks from my pregnancy with Rex. As strange as it may seem, I think they're both beautiful. When I was pregnant with that miracle pregnancy and I started getting stretch marks, I VIVIDLY remember the day I looked in the mirror and SQUEALED happily and excitedly to Jeff: "I'm getting STRETCH MARKS!! This is REAL!!" I worked so hard and fought so hard for that pregnancy and my permanent scars are my medals of honor! And the bruises? That's just a sign that another miracle is in the midst of taking place. This time through the route of using a gestational carrier. Both are absolutely BEAUTIFUL blessings. Yep, I said it. I think my bruises and stretch marks are blessings. Call me weird if you want. But I'm ROARING it from the rooftops! MY BRUISES AND STRETCH MARKS ARE BEAUTIFUL! Really, there IS beauty in everything. (Even though I may have a hard time finding the beauty in wasps. I'll work harder on that one … ;)