This past month has flown for me, which is a nice change of pace considering the first 20 weeks dragged. Six months tomorrow, people! IF for some crazy reason I had the baby there's a chance he could survive...not that I think I will--but these are all milestones!
So, Baby Boy is doing great! I had my 24 week check up on Friday, and his heartbeat was in the normal range and I'm measuring at exactly 24 weeks. If I'm still and laying on my back, I can even feel movement now on the outside of my stomach. Considering this is my 5th pregnancy, I'm the smallest I've ever been size wise with this little dude. In all honesty, I was also at my highest weight when I started this pregnancy, so I think that has something to do with it.
Now, for those of you who want to tune out (I'm going to vent here in a moment), feel free. I've shared before that this has been a difficult pregnancy in ways I never anticipated or have experienced before. For the past 6 weeks I've been experiencing sporadic heart racing and shortness of breath to the point it's scared me. I talked to the doctor about it, and there isn't any arithmea (spelling?), but he thinks I'm just doing too much. It has been really hard for me because it happens even when I'm not doing anything, and I just CAN'T BREATHE. It's a horrible feeling.
This past week, my husband traveled, and I think the FIRST day he was gone, I called my sweet dad up in tears because I didn't think I could get through the week. My two youngest are in HARD stages, I'm not sleeping well because of baby, getting up to pee multiple times a night, and I'm constantly shifting positions to try and get comfortable because my hips bother me a ton at night. And on top of it all, I struggle with CHRONIC fatigue. It's hard to explain why the fatigue is so hard to deal with when you can't SEE why I don't feel well. And to add to it, I work from home, and started a different position, so that has added to the stress.
Back to the doctor's appointment: when I was talking with him, and he was expressing concern that I was just doing too much, I was just thinking, what do you expect me to do? He suggested I fly someone out to help when my husband travels in January (he'll be gone even longer), AND in February when he's gone for another week. I'd chop off my right arm if I could--but my family is far away, and you have to think of time off work, money to get them out here. Also, my husband came home sick from New York, and my response (after the week from hell I had) was how dare you come home sick? Crappy wife, right? And now, I have a nasty cold. I blame him. Yesterday, we finally talked and I broke down and ugly cried that I was terrified to have another repeat experience in January and February.
Now onto the positive: my doctor is one of the reasons I moved forward with being a gestational carrier. He shares my faith, and before I left the appointment, he told me he knew I was inspired to do this, and that even though it was difficult it was worth it. His vote of confidence meant more than he'll ever know. After weeks like this past one, when I'm asking myself over and over why I did this to myself, I felt very humbled and was reminded that there is so much more to this than just aches and pains, missing spouses, and naughty children. I'm playing a role in someone else's ETERNAL FAMILY, and that is a gift to me.
I wish you all a Merry Christmas. I hope that you remember the real meaning behind the season, and that the first gift of Christmas was the Savior. Because of Him, I can get through difficult weeks. Because of Him, I can be with my family for eternity. Whatever faith you may be, I hope you find the strength to persevere, and find joy in your lives. Merry Christmas!
xoxo
